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Let me start out by saying (again) that I'm writing this post for documentation purposes and if someone out there in the interwebs happens to find something helpful or encouraging from it, all the better. What I'm NOT trying to do is make someone feel doubt, guilt, hurt, or worse - judgement. Lord knows there's enough of that to go around in MomLand - you don't need it here too! =)
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To catch you up. I had planned to breastfeed - nurse, if you will. After weeks of trying, several appointments with lactation specialists an hour away, and a whoooooole lotta pain and frustration... I was still breastfeeding. I was not, however, nursing. I was exclusively pumping.
As I mentioned before, the switch to pumping was not an easy one. It was not a decision I took lightly. I felt defeated and did not want to go that route. I had watched my good friend endure months of it and I wanted no part of it. It was more time consuming and less convenient. Not to mention, my boobs were still in such bad shape that it wasn't much more comfortable! (In fact, it actually hurt pretty dang bad for the next couple of months) BUT - I knew I wanted to provide him with at least a few months of breast milk (I was shooting for a year before I knew I would be pumping - then it changed to 6 months, ha!) and this was the way I could do it. So I did.
As far as my particular story, I'm not real sure where to even start. I've gone through many different stages and did things differently at various given times since this journey began.
I guess I'll start with the fact that I knew next to nothing about pumping. I knew I would need to pump when I went back to work. I knew what pumps got the best ratings and reviews. I knew I had a friend who so graciously offered to let me use hers (Medela Pump-in-Style). I knew some people had to and/or chose to pump exclusively. I knew it could consume your life.
I did not know an efficient plan for pumping full time. I did not know how just exhausting it could be. I did not know how much I'd struggle to maintain a milk supply. I did not know how much I'd hate it and how much guilt would be associated with it.
When my milk first came in... there. was. milk. I took a mammary supplement in my last couple months of pregnancy and I think that probably helped ensure my milk came in and may have even affected the amount I produced. I don't know for sure, of course, but I was engorged and hurting and leaking and... hurting. I didn't have a complete understanding of what I needed to be doing when. On one hand I had people telling me to pump pump pump and empty the boobies constantly. On the other, I had people telling me to just pump as needed for comfort and when the baby ate - otherwise I'd continue to have an over abundance of milk. I sort of did both but probably at the wrong times... switching back and forth. There is so much I'd do differently next time. I was not anticipating having to pump exclusively so I acted more like a regular nursing mom - not taking into account that prolactin levels are highest in the first couple weeks and the milk flow is pretty well established during that time. I wasn't thinking I would have to work extra hard from there on out to keep up and I definitely wasn't thinking ahead to a time when Reid would need more than a couple ounces... hey, I was too tired for that kind of forward thinking. =)
Anyway, once I knew I'd be exclusively pumping (EP), I started making sure I pumped every 2-4 hours around the clock (usually three unless Reid just happened to sleep four hours at night - but that's the longest I'd go). I'd hook myself up to the milker (just call me ol' Bessie) and fill up the little tubes it came with. It took a while for it to don on me that I could be freezing milk sooner than later if I would use bigger bottles. Geesh. Then, I got smart, got some regular bottles (game changer) and started the fun task of stockpiling. I really did think this was kind of fun - not the pumping part - but the freezing milk part. I felt so productive! That also helped because I was starting to empty my boobies instead of just stopping when the tubes were full.
Before I went back to work, my routine was to pump between 20-30 minutes, fill a bottle for Reid, feed him, put whatever was extra in the freezer, and wash all the pump parts. It was so time consuming but wasn't quite as time consuming as trying to do all that plus trying to nurse too. Ay yi yi. Then my friend, the fellow EP-er, told me to just refrigerate the pump parts between sessions and wash just once or twice per day. That was another game changer. I didn't have many small bottles so I was still washing those constantly but hey, every little bit helps. I was also trying to sanitize them once a day too right at first. ha! I'll be real honest, that went by the wayside in a hurry. I decided hot, soapy water was sanitary enough for me. All that took around an hour which gave me another hour+ before I had to repeat. That hour+ was spent changing, rocking, and comforting Reid, trying to scarf down some food, and doing whatever else needed to be done.
I never napped. I barely ate. I survived on water and packages of trail mix. On certain days, I got real lucky and had a nice home-cooked meal someone was kind enough to drop off. Which brings me to my next little life lesson. I knew I needed to eat and drink lot while pumping/nursing. I did. I promise. I just didn't do it I guess. At least right at first. One day I noticed a bit of a decline in milk. Nothing major at all, but it was noticeable. I ate a cheeseburger and fries and voila! Suddenly I was making more! So, subsequently, I continued to eat cheeseburgers and fries and thus not lose much baby weight. haha! =) That story is for another time though.
A couple weeks before I went back to work, Reid started sleeping in his crib. Dac was super helpful in getting up with him on the weekends when I was beyond exhausted. (This would have been around the time of that 5-6 week growth spurt from you know where or shortly after.) I was making enough milk to stay ahead and was able to sleep through the first of Reid's feedings those nights. Oh glory. This mama needed that. I was able to function once again and that, for me, at that particular time in my life, made me a better mom than getting up and pumping again. I'm sure of it. Even better - dropping the one pump session didn't seem to really affect my milk supply. Sure, I was a leaking fool, but I was still pumping enough throughout the day that my supply wasn't decreasing.
Right before I went back to work, my EP friend let me borrow her manual hand pump. At first I hated it. My boobs had just sort of gotten used to the double. The hand pump seemed to suck harder and thus hurt worse. BUT, it was faaaaast. I started using it just because it was faaaaast. In fact, I dropped to using the double pump only a couple times a day... and eventually, for a couple days, not at all. Biiiiiiiig mistake. I still needed the longer stimulation and to pump both sides at the same time to help with supply.
Right at that same time, Reid and I both got sick with some cold/flu mess. I started taking Claritan to help dry things out. Well GUESS. WHAT. It dried stuff out alright... milk ducts included. =( I think it was a combo of dropping the one night feeding, switching pumps, the Claritan, and the sickness itself.... all at the same time that did me in. My supply went from plenty to freeze each day to not enough to feed each day in a fast minute. I had to pull lots bags from the freezer and even supplement with a couple bottles of formula over those two weeks. I added extra pumps, power pumps (which is basically pumping for ten minutes, resting for ten, then pumping for ten again and repeating for an hour.. there's other ways to do it too, but this was my method), fenugreek, oatmeal, mammary vitamins, extra water, and even extra cheeseburgers just in case. =) I, once again, felt like a total fail and I was worrying myself plumb sick about it. Still, I was determined to make milk again. I missed out on some time with Reid because of it too, so needless to say I was an emotional mess... again. Not only was I missing him due to work but I was missing him because even when I was home, I was hooked up to that dang pump. I was a slave to the pump.
Ain't nobody got time for this.
Gradually, the milk supply started to increase and I was able to make enough milk for the day and was even able to freeze a bottle or two per week.
After that I found a sort of happy medium. I'd pump with the double early in the morning (around 4:30 so I was still pumping in that prime prolactin time) then pump with the hand pump four times - whenever possible - at work. Then pump with the double at least couple more times at home - for a total of 7-8 pumps per day. This worked well for me for several weeks. If I pumped around 10 p.m., I could go until 4:30 without pumping and still maintain a good supply. In fact, my supply was maybe even a tad better when I wasn't pumping I the middle of the night. My guess is that since you need adequate sleep to produce milk - the extra sleep was helpful for me. I tend to need more sleep than some to function appropriately anyway. I wasn't really making much extra, but was making what he needed and that was good enough for me since I already had a decent stash in the freezer.
I dreaded it, but I continued to pump. I could so I would. I pumped in front of the TV, I pumped at work, I pumped in the car while buzzing along the highway or while parked at a stop sign, I pumped sitting backwards on a public toilet (yuck), I pumped in parking lots, at friends' houses... wherever and whenever. I was less stressed about it than I was at first, but my life still pretty well revolved around the pump schedule.
As I neared that sixth month of full-time dairy cow, I had another bad flare of allergy/sinus problems. I'd fought them for a few weeks as it was but suddenly my ears felt like they were going to explode and I just knew it was time for meds. SO - I got a steroid pack, a nose spray, and more Claritan and began to dry up once again. There was a lot more emotion tied to that than I anticipated. I felt guilt and was torn between having a more normal life again and providing breast milk to Reid.
The meds helped me make that decision by slowing my milk supply. We also had a wedding to shoot around that time and the thought of having to slip away to pump a few times made me nervous. I started to cut a pump or two per day. I was still feeding all breast milk at first, then switched to a formula bottle or two per day, until I eventually stopped pumping altogether (ouch) several days after his 6th month birthday. I hated just feeding him one breast milk bottle per day (eventually from the freezer stash) but I loved the extra time I got with him. It was sort of like a whole new world. I had time to get on the floor and play with him after work. I got more cuddle time (when he'd hold still for it) and ultimately I felt like more of the mom I wanted to be.
It's been a few days since I quit pumping. I'm confident I'm done. Now sure, I still wish I was giving him more breast milk. I also wish I wasn't having to spend so much money on formula - not to mention I despise the smell of that stuff. BUT - I am enjoying more time with Reid and he is doing JUST fine. Still as happy as ever and is healthy too. =)
Exclusively pumping is not for the faint of heart. It's rough. REAL rough. It's like a marathon for boobies. I hope I don't have to do it next time (if there is a next time), in fact, we've always been pretty interested in adoption and the thought of being able to avoid this mess makes it all the more appealing, ha! Still, I'm glad I was able to do it. I'm glad I had the support and encouragement to keep milkin'. I'm also... glad it's over. =)
A few lessons from my experience include:
- Regardless of whether you plan/need to pump at first - DO IT. Pump your little heart out. Pump like a crazy person so that later you may not have to pump like a crazy person... better yet... you may actually avoid going crazy.
- If you know you're going to EP, invest in a high quality pump. Like I mentioned, I was SO generously offered a nice used Medela Pump-in-Style to use. BUT, if I had to do this whole shebang over again, I'd probably go ahead and buy a Medela Freestyle. I think the option to get up out of the chair while pumping would have helped me have more free time and might have helped save some sanity.
- Pumping is a different beast. It can be super hard to maintain supply. Your body gets used to that same suction every few hours and eventually slows down. Know this going into it and adjust accordingly. You may have to pump more often than another mom nurses because a pump isn't as affective as a baby. You'll probably also leave the house with double the amount of bags, etc... It's rather troublesome but you'll make it work.
- Use/donate some of your freezer stash as you go so that it doesn't go bad by the time you really need it. Also, organize your freezer milk.
- Buy multiple sets of pump parts/bottles/shields. That way you don't have to constantly wash everything. This is hardly the time to skimp on spending. ha! I was probably halfway through this adventure when I bit the bullet, bought more stuff, and could actually throw it in the dishwasher at night. Glorious.
- Don't worry so much about pumping while others are around. If people aren't cool with it initially, they'll soon realize it's no big deal. I got to where I didn't mind pumping in front of others. Sure, I tried to be tasteful about it and keep it classy, but It's just like nursing - there's nothing sexy about it. It's just boobs making milk for a baby. That's it. It's not weird or gross either. It just IS what it IS. Nothing more. Nothing less.
- This is a tip given to me that I just flat didn't think of on my own... take the pump out of the bag if you need to pump in the front seat of the car. You will feel less crowded. DUH. I'm embarrassed I didn't think of that on my own.That thing does NOT have to stay in the bag. It comes out. You're welcome.
- Cut yourself some slack. Your house probably won't be spotless (news flash, it probably never will be again...), you may feel like a fail because you can't feed your baby the way others do, you may feel guilty because you're not spending as much time with your baby, you may feel even more guilty when you stop. It's ok. It's ok to feel that way and it's ok to do what you're doing and/or stop what you're doing. It's also ok to change your mind about it every other day. You're love for that sweet baby is what's really important.
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