Dads

If you've been around a while... and I'm pretty sure all eight of you have been ;)... it probably wouldn't surprise you know hear that I'm somewhat passionate about empowering other women. That might sound like I'm some feminist, man-hating hippie but that couldn't be further from the truth. What I mean is that I think somewhere along the way we women have put ourselves against each other. We're competitive, judgmental, insecure, and harder on each other and subsequently ourselves. I love to see a community of women raise each other up - no matter what place they're each at in life - and just show grace and love to one another. Ya feel me? I know so many people agree. I am constantly seeing more movement in that direction.

It also seems, that at the same time we've been putting ourselves against one another, we've also managed to put ourselves against the men in our lives. I notice this a lot in regards to Dads.

As society has changed over the years, so have our roles as parents. In a lot of ways, though, our attitudes and perceptions have not changed. (Again, I think we're moving more and more in the right direction though!)

I sometimes feel like I'm doing all the work. I do house work, care for Reid, co-own and operate a photography business, and work a full time job out of the home. Thing is - Dac does those things too. It may look different for each of us (and it definitely does... whoa nelly) but we're both swamped... just trying to do our best and keep our heads above water each day. It's tough and I'm grateful to have a partner as we scramble to figure it all out.

So - hats off to dads! =)

I love this Cheerios commercial. It might just be my fav! Seriously awesome.

I also love this blog post I read today.
http://designforminikind.com/2014/08/dads-lately/

Being Mama: Baby Gear

1. Britax B-Safe Infant Car Seat, 2. Britax Marathon Convertible Car Seat, 3. Fisher Price Jumperoo, 4. Motorola Video Monitor, 5. Skip Hop Duo Diaper Bag, 6. Fisher Price Space-Saver Highchair, 7. Bumbleride Indie Stroller, 8. Ergo Performance Carrier, 9. Aprica Haven Play Yard.

1. After lots of research, review-reading, and personal recommendations, we chose the Britax B-Safe infant carseat. We were pleased. I think it's probably pretty rare to go wrong with a Britax. It wasn't their top-of-the-line infant seat but it was well-made, got good reviews and safety ratings, and was a doable size for our vehicle. We used this guy for about a year and I feel like we already got our money's worth out of it. Plus, I washed it up (looks good as new) for any potential baby #2 down the road since it still has plenty of years left before it expires. We had thrown the idea around of just getting a convertible seat to begin with but found that infant seats tend to get better safety ratings for the little ones AND with a winter baby, I thought it would be nice to have the carrier. I'm glad we went that route. It was nice to have it for shopping, eating out at restaurants, etc... and we had a nice cover for when we were out in the elements.

2. I knew we'd eventually need a convertible seat so we chose Britax again. I found a good deal on diapers.com and got this Marathon for 30% off + free shipping. They have their Britax seats on sale like that a few times a year. Anyway, Reid started using that when he was basically a year old. He seems very comfortable and secure in it. The straps rarely get twisted and I think it's just a nice, well-made seat I expect to get years of use out of. Again, this isn't their biggest-baddest convertible seat but it certainly does the job. We also plan to get the Britax Roundabout as a secondary seat for Dac's car.

3. I did not want a jumper. Like the swing, I thought it was just one more thing to clutter my family room. However, Reid was using one at Cori's during the day and loved it. I realized it would help give me somewhere to sit him when I needed to do something and it would be something he would actually enjoy. SO - Cori let us borrow one of hers. We just recently took it down to give back to her. We got a lot of use out of it. I definitely think this is a product worth borrowing or maybe buying a nice used one but no matter what, it was great to have around!

4. Like so many of Reid's things, we got this monitor as a gift. I feel like a video monitor is such a luxury and I felt silly registering for one but I also knew that I'm such a worrier and that a video monitor might put my mind at ease. It has. It has allowed me to see if a cry in the middle of the night is a serious "come help me" cry or a "don't worry about me mom, i'm just fussin' myself back to sleep" cry. That, my friends, is priceless in and of itself. It also gives the room temperature too which has been helpful. Bonus: Sometimes I just like to look at it and watch my adorable baby sleep. He's so dang cute with that little booty in the air. =)

5. After much debate (I seriously had the hardest time picking a dang diaper bag), I chose the Skip Hop Duo. I like that it's sturdy and has lots of pockets. I also like that ours (plain black) is very gender neutral and it's one that Dac has no problem carrying. I DO wish I had picked a bag more like the one I pictured (a textured grey... so me... they didn't have this one at the time though) or something with a print. The plain black is just that... plain. My only other complaint is that while the bag is super deep, it's not super wide. This makes it a sleeker bag but also makes it harder to get things in and out of the main compartment. Overall, though, I love the bag and it's one I still use and probably will for a while. Oh - and it has special stroller straps so it nicely snaps on and hangs from the back of our stroller.

6. For a highchair, I knew I wanted something that wouldn't take up a ton of space and that wouldn't require us to have multiple chairs. The Fisher Price Space-Saver fit the bill. It straps on to our regular chairs so it... wait for it... saves space. =) It's easy enough to throw in the car if we're going on a trip and it's super easy to clean which is a total must in my opinion.

7. This pretty little booger is the Bumbleride Indie annnnnd I love it. I had narrowed my stroller search down to the Britax B-Ready and the City Mini GT stroller. Both of those get great reviews and seemed to fit my specifications... especially the City Mini GT since it had the more beefed up tires (great for our brick streets and crappy sidewalks). Then, my mom came across the Indie on Zulily one day. This is normally a stroller with a super high price tag and I would have never bought it on my own but it was at a great price on Zulily and my parents and aunt and uncle went in on it together as a gift for us. We've love it. It has a super smooth ride, folds and un-folds easily, has a very-adjustable seat, and it turns on a dime. Oh - and it's pretty. =) It really does ride well on un-even terrain and I have no doubt it will last a long time. My only possible complaint (other than price) is that it is a little on the large side. Since it turns so easily this is rarely an issue but I'm sure there might be times in the future when a small umbrella stroller would come in handy. Still, I love it. Period.

8. We bought the Ergo when Reid was around 6-months old. I used it off and on around the house to vacuum, etc... and while at the store a couple times. Honestly, we haven't just used this a ton. BUT - I do love it and it's easy on the back. I think it would be invaluable with more than one kiddo in the house. I also think we'd use it a lot if we traveled more. Side note: They now offer a super cute anchor design. I dig it. Another side note: I just read where Ergo will be releasing a wrap next month. I bet it will be fabulous and great for those first few months.

9. I pretty well knew I wanted a pack-n-play because I was just sure our little babe would sleep in it before moving to his crib. Well, we already know that didn't go well and we used the Fisher Price Rock'n Play for several weeks. Still, this bad boy has been used a ton. It has done some traveling and currently resides in our office/guest room so that he can play and be contained if one of us is needing to work in there. I particularly love this one because it sets up in one quick motion and is super sturdy. I also like that it doesn't scream "BABY!". I mean, as much as a pack-n-play can't scream baby. ha! =) It has a real nice, supportive mat and Reid has always seemed comfortable sleeping in it. Again, this is a product I see lasting through another child.

I mentioned the jumperoo was borrowed but we also borrowed a Bumbo seat. That's an item we used some and, for a few short weeks, was nice, but we really didn't use it much at all in the grand scheme of things. We did, to my surprise, use an activity mat for quite a while. Every kid's different though and every family has different needs on a daily basis. Another item we used for a while was this Fisher Price Rocker-Bouncer.

We used it quite a bit in those early weeks. The vibrations made it a nice soothing nap spot. It can also serve as a toddler rocker chair. I like that it's a nice transitional piece but I wouldn't say it was a necessity for Reid. I can see him using it more again as he gets older though. It's in the corner of his room right now and I think it would be a great little reading spot.

I already mentioned the Fisher Price Rock'n Play and 4Moms Mamaroo in my Newborn Essentials post... both of which I think are pure excellence in the gear department. My philosophy on baby gear was to keep it to a minimum but to buy quality items to stand the test of time. I fully anticipate all our bigger items (that we actually purchased or were gifted as opposed to borrowing) to do just that!

Being Mama: Newborn Essentials

1. Fisher Price Rock'n Play Sleeper, 2. Emerald Breakfast on the go!, 3. Solly Baby Wrap, 4. Carter's Zip-Up Sleep and Play, 5. Baby Gap Onesies, 6. Baby Gap Leggings, 7. Medela Freestyle Pump, 8. Summer Infant SwaddleMe, 9. Aden+Anais Swaddle Blankets, 10. 4Moms Mamaroo

I always enjoyed looking at other people's "essential" lists when I was pregnant with Reid so I thought someone else might enjoy it too! I plan to share more of my favorites in the future.

I was (and still am) of the mindset that babies need very little. I kept our baby items to a real minimum knowing that 1) I didn't want a lot of stuff crowding our house and 2) every baby is different. One baby might adore a swing, while another loves a bouncer seat. You just never know. With that in mind, these are some examples of the things we either used and loved or things I'll make sure to have in the event of a baby #2. (Slow the heart rate there grandparents, it'll be a while.) Really, these are mostly luxuries... but still. =)

1. You may remember the story of how I insisted Reid sleep a certain way and he refused... in came the Fisher Price Rock'n Play. Dac's cousin brought us hers after two completely sleepless nights. It quite bluntly saved my sanity. Reid loved being at an incline. He napped and slept in it at night for the first six weeks. I could rock that thing in my sleep. It was perfect to have out in the family room during the day and came right up to bed height making it a great bassinet. It folds up super easy too and is lightweight so it can be quickly moved from room to room. The one we used was first generation but I see that they now come with vibrations. That might be nice but even in basic form this thing was worth its weight in gold and more!

2. I totally underestimated how much I would need to eat to feel even remotely normal. I lived off gallons of water and trail mix pouches for the first month.

3. I did not have a wrap when Reid was born. When he was a month old I was gifted the Baby K'Tan wrap off our registry. Once I tried it, I wished I'd had it from day one. I did a lot of research and the Baby K'Tan got excellent ratings for ease of use. I think I would have loved it minus the fact I think I got the wrong size. So - with that in mind, I'd probably get something stretchy and one-size next time. Your body changes so much during those first few weeks anyway. I've read a lot of good things about the Solly Wrap. It looks similar to the popular Moby wrap. I haven't done my research to really know the difference. Regardless, being able to go about life with both hands again was wonderful.

4. I was told to stock up on sleepers and yet still seemed to acquire more onesies than anything. We definitely used both but those sleepers (I found the zip ones to be more convenient), especially those first weeks were so nice. They made for a comfy, warm baby and allowed for quicker diaper changes. Also, it's a complete outfit all-in-one but at the very least, I'd pack a couple of these in the diaper bag for the inevitable blowout. On another note, everyone says to not worry about buying much in newborn size and since we expected a pretty good size baby (toward the end at least), we didn't. Reid was fairly big but still needed newborn size at first. Couple that with the weight loss at first and the need to do laundry almost constantly... I wished we had more. My go-to brands were Children's Place, Carter's, and even a few of the softer ones at good ol' Wal-Mart for $5! Anyway, sleepers - a new parent's friend - get some. =)

5 & 6. These were some of my first "oh my goodness, we're having a baby, I want to shop!" purchases. =) I ordered a 3-pack of long sleeve onesies and a pair of these super soft leggings during a good sale when I first found out I was pregnant. They were so tiny and so soft. The onesies have nice big head holes which made it easier to dress our big-headed little guy and the leggings are form fitting without being tight. Most pants I bought him were super baggy and barely stayed on. These fit his little skinny legs perfectly and even have a drawstring. Side note: These are the only things I've bought him from Gap! I have a hard time bringing myself to pay the prices. They really are such good quality though and still look brand spankin' new. Oh, and while we're on the topic of clothing - little newborn gowns came in quite handy too. They made diaper changes super fast!

7. For breastfeeding, a good quality pump is such a help. For pumping exclusively like I did, it's a definite must. I don't think you can really go wrong with a Medela pump. My friend Cori graciously offered to let me borrow her Pump-In-Style. It was a great pump and really saved us some dough! Plus it lasted through several rounds of exclusive pumping (between Cori and me, plus a couple other people who borrowed it for a bit too...) so you know it holds up. If there's a next time, I may consider splurging on the Freestyle in case I end up having to pump so much again. Side note: She also let me borrow her manual pump which I loved - especially as I got into more of a routine. It was great to take in the car or on quick errands. Other side note: It's great to have a couple extra sets of parts and bottles so you're not constantly standing over the sink washing things. Learned that lesson the hard way!

8. I was convinced I'd be an awesome swaddle-master and planned to use Aden+Anais blankets to do just that. Confession: I was tired and found these wraps to be far more convenient and secure. We used both the SwaddleMe and the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle (not pictured) and loved them both. I'd say we used the SwaddleMe more when he was itty bitty and the Sleepsack Swaddle more as he grew. He loved being all cozy and secure in a swaddle. He loved to be held tight too. He must have been used to cramp living quarters. ;)

9. Even though my swaddle skills were sub-par, I used the heck out my Aden+Anais muslin blankets and still do! I used them as a nursing cover, carseat cover, changing pad, and lots more. Now, Reid uses them as his crib blanket. They are huge, soft, breathable, and I can't recommend them enough! They are my go-to baby gift for other moms (they were even before I became a mom too). Side note: I also loved the feeder bibs they make. They are multi-layered muslin fabric and are very absorbent which is great for all that milk the baby sloshes about. They're also big and have an adjustable neck strap. I'll still put one on Reid occasionally.

10. Ah... the crown jewel... the Mamaroo. This was still fairly new-ish when I was doing my baby product shopping and research. For one thing, I didn't even register for a swing because I knew so many babies didn't care for them. Plus, they take up so much room and aren't usually super stylish. Needless to say, I was not about to pay for this contraption. Oh sweet naive Alisha. Bless your heart. We weren't two weeks in when I was dreaming of this thing. It's a sorta-swing but moves in various ways to mimic the way a parent moves, a car ride, kangaroo, etc... all the ways babies like to be soothed. Why oh why did I try to be frugal and practical? I'm certain this would have been well worth the roo-lah. (See what I did there... funny.) =) There are plenty of things worth skimping on or skipping altogether when bringing home a newborn. I say anything that helps you get rest is not one of those things. =)

Other items I loved but didn't list above are:

Tommee Tippee milk feeder bibs. These are great for the wee ones and have a padded collar to help soak up the milk drool. That keeps baby's neck and clothes dry. Winning.

The old school pre-fold cloth diapers. They make the perfect burp cloths. Get several. Feeling crafty? Sew some pretty fabric onto the middle section. Better yet, find a friend who will do it for you. ;)

The little packs of Carter's socks you can buy at Wal-Mart. They were white with colored toes/heels. These were the only socks that would really stay on his feet. Of course, every baby is different, but I've heard lots of moms say this. They're nothing fancy but they're great.

A comfy, supportive seat. I breastfed but even if I hadn't, I spent lots of time holding Reid. I chose a recliner in the family room but any glider/rocker/etc... would be ok too. That's just what worked for me. I liked having Netflix and Hulu at my disposal. =)

Humidifier and/or sound machine. With Reid being born in the winter, the humidifier was quite handy. It also provided white noise which was very soothing for Reid. When the temperature warmed up, we switched to a sound machine. Now, we're back to the humidifier but I think Reid would be fine with no white noise at this point.

These aren't really newborn essentials, but like the snacks I showed above, they were essential to helping me function. I never got real excited about my nursing bras but loved nursing tanks. I had a few but honestly, the ones from Wal-Mart were my fav's. Shout out to Kayla for recommending those. I wore them everyday. They served as my bra for the first six months. They were soft, long, and easy to unsnap.

10 things about my pregnancy

I'm sure many of you have seen the little facebook activity where someone lists some random facts about their pregnancies and then if you like or comment it, you're given a # to do the same. I got the # 8 but I'm going all out and giving 10. haha.

I don't typically participate in those things on facebook (even though I love reading other people's interesting tidbits on whatever the topic is) but I thought I'd share here. In this case I just know how hard it can be to see that what seems like absolutely everyone is or has been pregnant when you are wanting it so bad. I imagine the extra pregnancy posts on facebook could serve as an unwanted reminder to someone out there and I just don't want to chance that my post could make someone sad. =/ Maybe silly, I know. BUT, I in no way think that's bad to do. I think it's totally ok to share!!! =) Like I said, I love reading them and getting to know people better. This just isn't something I felt comfortable sharing on that platform.

I don't really feel like I have anything of extreme interest to share but here goes:

1) We chose not to find out the baby's gender until birth. I absolutely loved doing it that way. That's not to say there weren't a couple times I second guessed our choice (ie: choosing fabric) but hearing "it's a boy" in the operating room was so priceless.

2) We also waited to tell friends and family about the pregnancy until the end of the first trimester. We told our parents on Mother's Day. (Blog announcement HERE.)

3) I was seeing a fertility specialist when I became pregnant with Reid.

4) I craved different things at different times but never really had any "weird" cravings per se... it was all stuff I liked normally, I just wanted it a little more fiercely. =) I craved Jimmy Johns, McDonalds chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese (mostly just at first), and best of all, chocolate banana shakes. =) I also had a major aversion to meat (especially chicken) there for about a month or so.

5) I started growing and showing very early for it being my first pregnancy. I was SO excited to buy my first pair of maternity jeans. =) I wore them right away.

6) I had a subchorionic hemorrhage that caused a good scare and lots of pain but thankfully it dissolved on its own early on and didn't cause any other problems!

7) I got BIG and had lots and lots of swelling in my legs and feet. I also had epic heartburn. I had no idea how horrible that stuff could be!

8) We didn't have a name confirmed until the drive to the hospital.

9) We had a false-run to labor and delivery one night. It was embarrassing and we totally had that walk-of-shame moment out of the hospital during shift change. =)

10) My water broke at 3 a.m. on my due date - November 30. I labored (with an epidural that did very little good) until it became necessary for a C-section. Reid was born at 7:17 p.m. that day.

*BONUS* My least favorite part of the whole experience was that dang catheter. Ugh.

Being Mama: Workin' It...again

I decided I would go ahead and post this here, just so it will be included when I finally print a book of the blog posts.

About Me:

Hi! I’m Alisha - a 29 year-old Kansas girl married to my high school sweetheart (Dac). We dated through high school and college (long distance). Once I graduated from Oklahoma State, we got married (2006). I’ve had various gynecological issues which resulted in some infertility troubles.

Still, I’m fortunate enough to be mama to an alllllmost 10-month old baby boy (Reid) and a 7-year old amusing pug-dog (Peety).

I’m a working mom - doing public relations for a school district by day and co-running a photography business with my husband on the side.

You can find my blog here. I just post about daily life… it’s kind of a virtual scrapbook for us. I post a weekly random update which has now kind of turned into a dumping ground for photos of Reid! =) I documented my pregnancy with “Monday Morning Pop Tart” updates, and now have a couple series’ - “Being Mama”, where I talk about mom-type things and my limited experience with them; and “About Me” where I work through a list of things I want Reid to know about me.

I’m so happy to be here. I’ve quietly followed Melissa’s blog for a few years now and I’ve enjoyed seeing how she has made working outside the home work for her family. I signed on to write this post before I really thought it through. The truth is - I have SO much to learn about being a mom who works outside the home. I hardly feel adequate enough to write much more than “HELP ME!!” on this topic. Maybe if nothing else I can provide a sense of  “you’re not alone” to someone else struggling to find balance. =)

Then:

I’ll start out with the words I blogged the day I went back to work after maternity leave. “Pregnancy hurt. Labor hurt. C-section recovery hurt. Going back to work hurts worse.”

Oh my, it was hard. I knew it would be. I just underestimated how hard it would be. It hurt big time, and there at first it was all I could do to just keep going each day. That in itself was a victory but it sure didn’t feel like it. I felt like all I did was work, pump milk, and prepare for the next day of working and pumping. Repeat.

Now:

Since then, I’ve given the pump the boot and have become a little more relaxed in our daily routine. I really try to keep myself in the moment and enjoy Reid as much as possible in the little time we get together each day. It’s still a struggle and sometimes (probably more often than not) I fail, but I’m working on it. =)

Our typical daily routine/schedule:

Since I knew I’d be returning to work, we started Reid in a routine fairly early. We weren’t strict and it wasn’t scheduled per se, but we did kind of help him find the routine that worked for him then tweaked it as we needed to. Here’s a look at a normal day NOW.

5:00 a.m. - I wake up, shower, eat something quick for breakfast, do makeup, hair, etc... This is also when I might unload the dishwasher, prep some items for supper, get my lunch ready and other quick, fairly quiet tasks.

6:30 a.m. - I usually wake Reid up, change his diaper and feed him his bottle (he really feeds himself at this point but I still like to hold him so I can get some snuggle time in.) Once he’s fed, I’ll usually let him play for a few minutes while I finish getting dressed and get stuff ready to walk out the door. Then, I get him dressed and off we go!

7:00 a.m. - We’re usually loading in the car by shortly after 7. Sometimes, if I realize we’ve left a little early, I’ll swing through Sonic for a drink. =) I drop Reid off at daycare at around 7:15 and am clocking in by 7:30. I usually spend my lunch hour running errands or doing quick chores at home. Sometimes I fold and/or put laundry away, load the dishwasher, do some basic surface cleaning, or vacuum. I’m fortunate to live close to work so this can be a pretty productive time in my day.

4:30 p.m. - I get off work and pick Reid up from daycare. When we get home, I go ahead and re-stock his daycare bag so I know it’s ready to go the next day.

5:00 p.m. - I usually feed Reid around 5 or so. He has just started eating more little table foods, so a lot of times I’ll set something on his high chair so he can munch while I start supper. Then, once dinner’s underway, I’ll feed him some baby food. Or - if supper prep is more intensive, Dac will feed him while I work on that. It just depends. Then, of course, we eat! =)

6:00 p.m. - I’ve really started making it a priority to get on the floor with Reid. He is just SO busy and it’s a blast to watch him explore and interact with him. If it’s Reid’s bath night (usually every other night) we may not get long, but those few minutes really make the day seem a bit more right. We try to go for walks some evenings too. On nights when I have a meeting or something, Dac and Reid get boy time - which is important too.

7-7:15 p.m. - By 7:15, we’re usually done with his bath and I’ll get my second cuddle session in while I feed him his last bottle. Reid is typically in bed asleep by about 8. When I put him in his crib, I set out his clothes for the next morning.

8:00 p.m. - By this time, I’m usually worn out! Whew! =) BUT - I’ll spend the next half hour or so finishing up housework, or, on a good day, Dac and I will have a chance to sit and chat. Then, most nights I’ll watch a tv show while Dac does some work or edits photos. This is my ME time and I use it to just wind down before bed. Dac stays up later than me most nights but I have to go to bed by around 9:30 or 10 in order to not be a grouch. =)

Our weekends are spent doing laundry, mowing the yard, grocery shopping, shooting photo sessions, editing photos, hanging out, church, etc… They always seem to go too fast.

Time with the Big Guy

I have always struggled with quiet time. I’m someone that goes, goes, goes until I crash in front of the TV at night. When Reid was a newborn, I would hold him and pray. Strong, from the heart prayers. I prayed for guidance, for his safety, I thanked him for such a wonderful gift. Sometimes I just cried out in desperation. If Reid was extra fussy when I’d pray, he would almost immediately calm down. Perhaps he sensed my sudden calmness as God gave me peace. I’m not sure. Our church got a new pastor this summer and she started a Bible basics study. We’re working through the Old Testament in chronological order. Now, Dac and I have attended church our whole lives but we’re still learning a lot. This study has helped get me back in the Word and it’s great.

Working Out

Until just a couple weeks ago - I flat wasn’t doing it. Now, I’ve started going to a morning Zumba class 2-3 times per week and try to walk a couple times on top of that. On the mornings I do Zumba, I get up at 4:40, Zumba from 5:15-6, then rush rush rush like a mad-woman to get us ready and out the door on time. It’s doable though. =) When we walk, we usually go as a family after supper. It’s a good time for Dac and I to visit uninterrupted and I’m really starting to treasure it.

Friend/Family Dates

Generally speaking, we see a group of family-friends every other week. We take turn cooking dinner and basically just sit and chat and hold babies. I have other close friends that I make little mini dates with. Sometimes it’s just a coke or ice cream, sometimes it’s a walk or lunch on a Saturday, sometimes it’s birthday pedicures and a day of shopping. We each have a good group of out-of-town friends (Dac’s friends from high school that are scattered and my college roomies/friends in Oklahoma). We really value these friends and try to get together AT LEAST a couple times a year and we’ve started skype-type sessions with some of them too. As for our immediate families, they both live close and we usually see them every other week or so. We’ll go out to eat on a Friday night, or they’ll stop by to play with Reid, etc... Our family and friends have both been huge assets in the babysitting realm when we have weddings or photo sessions on weekends. We are fortunate to be surrounded by so many great people.

Dac+Me Dates

Dac and I used to be pretty dang good at having a weekly date night. I knew at the time it would be even more important for us to have that once we had kids. Now that we’re here... it’s not seeming quite as easy to pull off. The truth is, we already use a babysitter more than we’d like with daycare, photo sessions, etc... Plus, we enjoy spending time with Reid and as a family. Our marriage has certainly felt the impact of an “in passing” relationship and it needs to become a top priority again. Recently, we’ve made more of an effort and I notice the difference. We might stay up and watch a movie after Reid goes to bed, take a lunch+Target trip together sans Reid, or, like earlier this month, we took a mini trip (my first night away from Reid) to celebrate our anniversary. It always feels good to be ‘us’ again but we just don’t make it enough of a priority all the time.

SO, clearly I don’t have it all figured out. It’s gotten easier in a lot of ways - sure - but I still feel like I’m spinning my wheels trying to fit in all the ‘work’ of life while trying to just be relaxed and enjoy our family. It’s tough! I know this phase of life will all too quickly pass and Reid is just... wow... growing up way too fast. Each day gets a little more manageable than the day before. We’re making it and that’s what matters. =) Life is good.

A recent blog post I wrote on working mom guilt.

We are currently re-vamping our photography business website/blog - but you can still visit www.dacandalisha.com/blog or find us on facebook under On The Wall Photography! I’m also on instagram as alishacall and pinterest as acall.

Being Mama: Workin' it

Today, I have the pleasure of guest blogging for Melissa over at Stafford Stories. She's running a series of guests posts about the lives of working moms. I hope you can take a minute to visit her blog and read about a typical day in the life of Reid's working mom! =)

In copying the post over, some of the formatting and links were lost - but since you guys come here anyway, you know where to find them. =)

Being Mama: Sleep-teachin'

This is the fifth post in my "being mama" series.
----

Let me start out by saying (again) that I'm writing this post for documentation purposes and if someone out there in the interwebs happens to find something helpful or encouraging from it, all the better. What I'm NOT trying to do is make someone feel doubt, guilt, hurt, or worse - judgement. Lord knows there's enough of that to go around in MomLand - you don't need it here too! =)
----

First of all, this isn't a "how-to" blog post. So if you stumbled upon this looking for answers, I'm sorry to say, you've come to the wrong place. I'm a new mom and an expert I am NOT. =)

Dac and I had grand plans of having a perfect, sleeping-through-the-night (mostly) baby by about the time I went back to work at around 9-weeks. Spoiler alert... this was hardly the case. =) Who could have seen that coming!? ;) But our plan wasn't a total fail either...

Sleep was probably my most studied, researched, worried about issue when I was pregnant and when Reid was a wee little babe. I spent hours delved into this topic. There is so much information out there about baby sleep - much of it contradictory, most of it overwhelming.

One day, I was asking a friend some questions about her favorite products, etc... just as I asked many friends, many times during my pregnancy. She mentioned that a co-sleeper was one of her must have items and quickly followed that up with a "if that's something you're interested in - to each her own!". That immediately made me feel secure enough to ask more questions and to share what I was considering. When I shared my hopes for a sound-sleeping baby, she shared what worked for her kids. That at least helped me narrow down our direction and while we didn't follow her plan to a 'T', it helped us establish a framework that we could tweak to fit Reid's and our needs.

We just knew co-sleeping probably wasn't going to work for us - for a number of reasons. So, our plan was always for Reid to sleep in a pack-n-play in our room for the first few weeks then switch him to his crib before I went back to work.

If you've followed this blog for a while, you may remember me mentioning that Reid would NOT sleep in that dang pack-n-play. Would not. Plus, we weren't in our bedroom anyway b/c I had to sleep in the dang recliner. We've certainly got our money out of that thing! The first two nights were absolute hell in the sleep department. I was still completely out of it and exhausted from surgery (and let's face it, pregnancy!) and all the breastfeeding drama we were having. I was also an emotional wreck and the continuous lack of sleep was not working... for any of us. Night one: when he actually slept, he did so in Dac's arms. Night two; Reid slept part of the night in his carseat - not our proudest moment but I don't regret it for a minute. Night three: we were loaned a Fisher Price Rock-n-Play bassinet. It saved our lives... or at least our sanity. Reid slept like...well... a baby. Aaaaahhhhh. Sweet relief.

So - for the next few weeks, even once we moved back to the bedroom, Reid slept in the rock-n-play and woke 2-3 times a night to eat. He really wasn't ever an awful sleeper so we had that in our favor. Even though we weren't worried about a routine or sleep training yet (we knew he'd find one eventually and really just wanted to enjoy him... plus we were kind of just getting by, ha!) we did start instilling some habits to help him learn to fall asleep on his own. We used some white noise (this was out of necessity), put him down groggy but awake a few times a day, we swaddled him up snug as a bug, and just tried to let him put himself to sleep when possible. We never forced it and trust me, the kid got plenty of rockin' and snugglin'. =) There were also plenty of nights we paced the floor with him bouncing in our arms to keep him asleep. Plus, right around that 5-6 week mark, the little dude hit that growth spurt I thought might throw me over the edge. =) At that point, anything went. We did what we needed to keep him happy and to keep ourselves alive.  (Good thing I'm not dramatic at all.)

No baby ears were harmed in the making of this photograph.

When Reid was a little over 6-weeks old (and coming off the growth spurt), we put him in his crib for naps... just to test the water. The first time was a fail but the next couple seemed to go pretty well, so a couple nights later, we put him in his crib at bedtime. Aside from waking to eat, he made it through the night and seemed to actually sleep better in the crib. That was it. We never looked back and we all began to sleep better.

At around 10-12 weeks, we started to focus more on routine. Once he was in a good routine, following a basic eat, play, sleep pattern and going approximately three hours between feedings, we started trying to wean nighttime feedings. We chose to ease into it instead of going cold turkey - just because that plan seemed to be working so far. In every parenting move we'd made in those few short weeks, we kind of tested the waters before diving in. Once we decided we were all in, we did hold ourselves to the plan but always knew his needs were the top priority. He still got plenty of comfort and nothing was rushed or forced. If we felt he truly needed something, we provided it. We never made him suffer or go without.

If I remember correctly, he was going to sleep around 8 p.m. (still does) and waking at around 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. to eat.

We started working on the 5 a.m. feeding first... with the goal of him sleeping until 6 a.m. When he would wake up, we'd let him fuss to make sure he was truly awake and not just trying to get comfortable, etc... if he fussed for at least 5 minutes, one of us would go check on him and rub his back (but not pick him up) until he settled down. If he fussed again, we'd try to hold out for 10 minutes. Next time, we'd try 15, and so on. If it was clear that he was awake for good and/or if he was truly in distress, we'd absolutely pick him up, comfort him, change him, etc... We followed this pattern for a few days until Reid was sleeping until 6 a.m. At that time, I'd get him up and feed him and give him lots of extra lovin'. =) He always seemed to wake up happy.

Next up was the 1 a.m. feeding. We followed the same plan.  I know all babies are different and each will sleep through the night at different times, but it became clear to us very quickly that Reid was no longer hungry during the night... he just wanted comfort. After a few days of nudging the feeding back, we were able to make it to 3 a.m. At that point we decided to try to go all the way until 6 a.m. and we did! We comforted him a few times but did not feed him. That sealed the deal. He didn't receive another night feeding after that. He was happy, rested, and continued to grow so we felt confident what we we had done the right thing... for us.

Was it hard to hear him cry and not rush right to his side? Absolutely. Did we question and doubt ourselves? Every. Single. Day. Deep down though, we felt we were doing the right thing for him. I believe there is a lot to be said for "baby-led" parenting. I also think that if babies were born with all the knowledge and skills they needed to live their lives, they wouldn't need parents. As with everything, it's a balance. We wanted to help give Reid the skills he needed to have good sleep habits. That was important to us. It was also important to us to get rest. It's amazing what rest can do for a mama and for this mama, it made a world of difference.

Our experience with sleep teaching is that it wasn't a quick-fix. It wasn't a 3-day bootcamp with no more sleepless nights to follow. It was major improvement, sure, but even now, there's nights he doesn't sleep through the night. Sometimes he needs us to find his pacifier and sometimes he needs his diaper changed. We did, however, see improvement almost right away and for the most part, we can count on getting a good night's sleep now. =) The good certainly outweigh the bad.

The routine we helped him (and he helped us) into is the same basic routine he continues to follow. My thoughts on routine will likely be another post but I think it was crucial in helping him sleep through the night. Deep down I believed a routine was good for him and, quite frankly, it was necessary since we both work during the day, but I was a little worried he might become less flexible. Now, it seems to me that because of his routine, he's able to be more flexible. Maybe I'm just making that up? Who knows.

Gah-lee, I sure do love to see that sweet, sleeping face. =) (Sidebar - I just, a couple weeks ago, started giving Reid a muslin blanket to snuggle. He loves it and I feel better knowing it's breathable material =)).

Like I mentioned before, each baby is different and so, even with my super limited mom experience, I have to conclude that each situation will be different. For us, this is what worked. I'm fully aware (and slightly terrified) this may not work on any possible future baby. That's ok. I suppose, just like this time, we'll figure it out as we go.

Other thoughts:

• I'm glad we did this and I'm glad we started early. I think getting to it before he got to set in other habits made things easier on all of us. 

• I read and practiced a lot of tips from the "Happiest Baby on the Block" book. This book promotes the 5 S's - swaddle, side/stomach position, shush, swing, suck. We did all of these and found them helpful. We did not put Reid to sleep on his side or stomach though, just held him like that while swaying him back and forth. Also, though I didn't read it, I was familiar with the philosophies of "Baby Wise" - which is what prompted me to guide Reid's feeding patterns. For the first several weeks of his life, I fed him when he was hungry... then, once I noticed he was falling into a natural pattern, I just kind of tweaked it a little as needed with our work schedules.

• By the time Reid was sleeping in his crib, I had stopped rocking him to sleep. I rocked him while he ate and while we were just hanging out, but I stopped doing it right at bedtime. We wanted him to learn to fall asleep on his own. He falls asleep for naps and at bedtime without assistance. Occasionally, I'll still hold him and rock him while he sleeps. A little spoiling never hurt anybody. ;)

• I can't stress enough that I feel this is a very personal decision. We chose to sleep train. We chose to do it earlier than what some experts suggest. I have great friends who have handled baby sleep much differently and they still have happy, healthy kids. I honestly believe that within safe limits, what works for your family is what's best. All we can do is our best right? I, for one, am thankful to have had support and encouragement as we waded through this particular hurdle. This parenting gig is tough. I'm not sure you can ever really know you're doing the exact right thing. I'm not even sure there is an exact right thing. =)

Thanks for listening to me ramble and sleep tight!

Being Mama: Breastfeeding Awareness

This is the fourth post in my "being mama" series.
----

Let me start out by saying (again) that I'm writing this post for documentation purposes and if someone out there in the interwebs happens to find something helpful or encouraging from it, all the better. What I'm NOT trying to do is make someone feel doubt, guilt, hurt, or worse - judgement. Lord knows there's enough of that to go around in MomLand - you don't need it here too! =)
----

Yes, I know, we're talking about boobies again. I'm sorry about that. I think this should pretty well wrap it up. ;)

It's just that it's Breastfeeding Awareness month and I came across this article on a blog I follow.

It's from the Pregnant Chicken blog - which is a comical blog about pregnancy and what-not. The writer pretty well echoes my sentiments exactly. I think breastfeeding is wonderful - truly. It's an awesome thing and nobody should feel shunned or get loaded glances for it. I feel the same way about formula feeding. *sigh* It just seems like it's always such a thing, you know? I guess I would call for awareness of acceptance and compassion towards others regardless of their feeding style, more than awareness of "breast is best". But I digress. Here's what she had to say.

"Did you know that August is breastfeeding awareness month? No? Well, boobs feed babies – now we're all aware. 

I've always had a bit of a love/hate with breastfeeding awareness. On one hand I think it's fantastic that there's a whole moment that encourages and supports women that choose to breastfeed. There needs to be more. More support when it's hard and shitty. More people that stand up to corporations or douches at the mall who still can't seem to separate feeding an infant from a sexual display. More acceptance from generations who were told formula was the sensible way to feed a baby and that breastfeeding was for poor people.

On the other hand, we always need to remember that not everyone chooses to breastfeed or can breastfeed. This is where I think some people forget who their audience is when they are screaming breast is best from the tallest tower and hand out pamphlets saying babies that aren't breastfed won't be as smart, or will be fat, or will grow a tail, all because they were fed formula. It really doesn't help. It just makes people feel shitty, defensive and inferior and I don't think that's the kind of awareness we want to spread."

She then goes on to link to several interesting articles, the first of which all but brought me to tears. She just gets it and points out that "feeding with love" is what matters. If you're going to take the time to read it, I highly encourage you to stick it out 'til the end because that's where the really good stuff is. The compassion she showed towards another mom cracked my all-too-sensitive little heart and warmed it at the same time. =) Hooray for being friends!