Being Mama: Baby Gear

1. Britax B-Safe Infant Car Seat, 2. Britax Marathon Convertible Car Seat, 3. Fisher Price Jumperoo, 4. Motorola Video Monitor, 5. Skip Hop Duo Diaper Bag, 6. Fisher Price Space-Saver Highchair, 7. Bumbleride Indie Stroller, 8. Ergo Performance Carrier, 9. Aprica Haven Play Yard.

1. After lots of research, review-reading, and personal recommendations, we chose the Britax B-Safe infant carseat. We were pleased. I think it's probably pretty rare to go wrong with a Britax. It wasn't their top-of-the-line infant seat but it was well-made, got good reviews and safety ratings, and was a doable size for our vehicle. We used this guy for about a year and I feel like we already got our money's worth out of it. Plus, I washed it up (looks good as new) for any potential baby #2 down the road since it still has plenty of years left before it expires. We had thrown the idea around of just getting a convertible seat to begin with but found that infant seats tend to get better safety ratings for the little ones AND with a winter baby, I thought it would be nice to have the carrier. I'm glad we went that route. It was nice to have it for shopping, eating out at restaurants, etc... and we had a nice cover for when we were out in the elements.

2. I knew we'd eventually need a convertible seat so we chose Britax again. I found a good deal on diapers.com and got this Marathon for 30% off + free shipping. They have their Britax seats on sale like that a few times a year. Anyway, Reid started using that when he was basically a year old. He seems very comfortable and secure in it. The straps rarely get twisted and I think it's just a nice, well-made seat I expect to get years of use out of. Again, this isn't their biggest-baddest convertible seat but it certainly does the job. We also plan to get the Britax Roundabout as a secondary seat for Dac's car.

3. I did not want a jumper. Like the swing, I thought it was just one more thing to clutter my family room. However, Reid was using one at Cori's during the day and loved it. I realized it would help give me somewhere to sit him when I needed to do something and it would be something he would actually enjoy. SO - Cori let us borrow one of hers. We just recently took it down to give back to her. We got a lot of use out of it. I definitely think this is a product worth borrowing or maybe buying a nice used one but no matter what, it was great to have around!

4. Like so many of Reid's things, we got this monitor as a gift. I feel like a video monitor is such a luxury and I felt silly registering for one but I also knew that I'm such a worrier and that a video monitor might put my mind at ease. It has. It has allowed me to see if a cry in the middle of the night is a serious "come help me" cry or a "don't worry about me mom, i'm just fussin' myself back to sleep" cry. That, my friends, is priceless in and of itself. It also gives the room temperature too which has been helpful. Bonus: Sometimes I just like to look at it and watch my adorable baby sleep. He's so dang cute with that little booty in the air. =)

5. After much debate (I seriously had the hardest time picking a dang diaper bag), I chose the Skip Hop Duo. I like that it's sturdy and has lots of pockets. I also like that ours (plain black) is very gender neutral and it's one that Dac has no problem carrying. I DO wish I had picked a bag more like the one I pictured (a textured grey... so me... they didn't have this one at the time though) or something with a print. The plain black is just that... plain. My only other complaint is that while the bag is super deep, it's not super wide. This makes it a sleeker bag but also makes it harder to get things in and out of the main compartment. Overall, though, I love the bag and it's one I still use and probably will for a while. Oh - and it has special stroller straps so it nicely snaps on and hangs from the back of our stroller.

6. For a highchair, I knew I wanted something that wouldn't take up a ton of space and that wouldn't require us to have multiple chairs. The Fisher Price Space-Saver fit the bill. It straps on to our regular chairs so it... wait for it... saves space. =) It's easy enough to throw in the car if we're going on a trip and it's super easy to clean which is a total must in my opinion.

7. This pretty little booger is the Bumbleride Indie annnnnd I love it. I had narrowed my stroller search down to the Britax B-Ready and the City Mini GT stroller. Both of those get great reviews and seemed to fit my specifications... especially the City Mini GT since it had the more beefed up tires (great for our brick streets and crappy sidewalks). Then, my mom came across the Indie on Zulily one day. This is normally a stroller with a super high price tag and I would have never bought it on my own but it was at a great price on Zulily and my parents and aunt and uncle went in on it together as a gift for us. We've love it. It has a super smooth ride, folds and un-folds easily, has a very-adjustable seat, and it turns on a dime. Oh - and it's pretty. =) It really does ride well on un-even terrain and I have no doubt it will last a long time. My only possible complaint (other than price) is that it is a little on the large side. Since it turns so easily this is rarely an issue but I'm sure there might be times in the future when a small umbrella stroller would come in handy. Still, I love it. Period.

8. We bought the Ergo when Reid was around 6-months old. I used it off and on around the house to vacuum, etc... and while at the store a couple times. Honestly, we haven't just used this a ton. BUT - I do love it and it's easy on the back. I think it would be invaluable with more than one kiddo in the house. I also think we'd use it a lot if we traveled more. Side note: They now offer a super cute anchor design. I dig it. Another side note: I just read where Ergo will be releasing a wrap next month. I bet it will be fabulous and great for those first few months.

9. I pretty well knew I wanted a pack-n-play because I was just sure our little babe would sleep in it before moving to his crib. Well, we already know that didn't go well and we used the Fisher Price Rock'n Play for several weeks. Still, this bad boy has been used a ton. It has done some traveling and currently resides in our office/guest room so that he can play and be contained if one of us is needing to work in there. I particularly love this one because it sets up in one quick motion and is super sturdy. I also like that it doesn't scream "BABY!". I mean, as much as a pack-n-play can't scream baby. ha! =) It has a real nice, supportive mat and Reid has always seemed comfortable sleeping in it. Again, this is a product I see lasting through another child.

I mentioned the jumperoo was borrowed but we also borrowed a Bumbo seat. That's an item we used some and, for a few short weeks, was nice, but we really didn't use it much at all in the grand scheme of things. We did, to my surprise, use an activity mat for quite a while. Every kid's different though and every family has different needs on a daily basis. Another item we used for a while was this Fisher Price Rocker-Bouncer.

We used it quite a bit in those early weeks. The vibrations made it a nice soothing nap spot. It can also serve as a toddler rocker chair. I like that it's a nice transitional piece but I wouldn't say it was a necessity for Reid. I can see him using it more again as he gets older though. It's in the corner of his room right now and I think it would be a great little reading spot.

I already mentioned the Fisher Price Rock'n Play and 4Moms Mamaroo in my Newborn Essentials post... both of which I think are pure excellence in the gear department. My philosophy on baby gear was to keep it to a minimum but to buy quality items to stand the test of time. I fully anticipate all our bigger items (that we actually purchased or were gifted as opposed to borrowing) to do just that!

Being Mama: Newborn Essentials

1. Fisher Price Rock'n Play Sleeper, 2. Emerald Breakfast on the go!, 3. Solly Baby Wrap, 4. Carter's Zip-Up Sleep and Play, 5. Baby Gap Onesies, 6. Baby Gap Leggings, 7. Medela Freestyle Pump, 8. Summer Infant SwaddleMe, 9. Aden+Anais Swaddle Blankets, 10. 4Moms Mamaroo

I always enjoyed looking at other people's "essential" lists when I was pregnant with Reid so I thought someone else might enjoy it too! I plan to share more of my favorites in the future.

I was (and still am) of the mindset that babies need very little. I kept our baby items to a real minimum knowing that 1) I didn't want a lot of stuff crowding our house and 2) every baby is different. One baby might adore a swing, while another loves a bouncer seat. You just never know. With that in mind, these are some examples of the things we either used and loved or things I'll make sure to have in the event of a baby #2. (Slow the heart rate there grandparents, it'll be a while.) Really, these are mostly luxuries... but still. =)

1. You may remember the story of how I insisted Reid sleep a certain way and he refused... in came the Fisher Price Rock'n Play. Dac's cousin brought us hers after two completely sleepless nights. It quite bluntly saved my sanity. Reid loved being at an incline. He napped and slept in it at night for the first six weeks. I could rock that thing in my sleep. It was perfect to have out in the family room during the day and came right up to bed height making it a great bassinet. It folds up super easy too and is lightweight so it can be quickly moved from room to room. The one we used was first generation but I see that they now come with vibrations. That might be nice but even in basic form this thing was worth its weight in gold and more!

2. I totally underestimated how much I would need to eat to feel even remotely normal. I lived off gallons of water and trail mix pouches for the first month.

3. I did not have a wrap when Reid was born. When he was a month old I was gifted the Baby K'Tan wrap off our registry. Once I tried it, I wished I'd had it from day one. I did a lot of research and the Baby K'Tan got excellent ratings for ease of use. I think I would have loved it minus the fact I think I got the wrong size. So - with that in mind, I'd probably get something stretchy and one-size next time. Your body changes so much during those first few weeks anyway. I've read a lot of good things about the Solly Wrap. It looks similar to the popular Moby wrap. I haven't done my research to really know the difference. Regardless, being able to go about life with both hands again was wonderful.

4. I was told to stock up on sleepers and yet still seemed to acquire more onesies than anything. We definitely used both but those sleepers (I found the zip ones to be more convenient), especially those first weeks were so nice. They made for a comfy, warm baby and allowed for quicker diaper changes. Also, it's a complete outfit all-in-one but at the very least, I'd pack a couple of these in the diaper bag for the inevitable blowout. On another note, everyone says to not worry about buying much in newborn size and since we expected a pretty good size baby (toward the end at least), we didn't. Reid was fairly big but still needed newborn size at first. Couple that with the weight loss at first and the need to do laundry almost constantly... I wished we had more. My go-to brands were Children's Place, Carter's, and even a few of the softer ones at good ol' Wal-Mart for $5! Anyway, sleepers - a new parent's friend - get some. =)

5 & 6. These were some of my first "oh my goodness, we're having a baby, I want to shop!" purchases. =) I ordered a 3-pack of long sleeve onesies and a pair of these super soft leggings during a good sale when I first found out I was pregnant. They were so tiny and so soft. The onesies have nice big head holes which made it easier to dress our big-headed little guy and the leggings are form fitting without being tight. Most pants I bought him were super baggy and barely stayed on. These fit his little skinny legs perfectly and even have a drawstring. Side note: These are the only things I've bought him from Gap! I have a hard time bringing myself to pay the prices. They really are such good quality though and still look brand spankin' new. Oh, and while we're on the topic of clothing - little newborn gowns came in quite handy too. They made diaper changes super fast!

7. For breastfeeding, a good quality pump is such a help. For pumping exclusively like I did, it's a definite must. I don't think you can really go wrong with a Medela pump. My friend Cori graciously offered to let me borrow her Pump-In-Style. It was a great pump and really saved us some dough! Plus it lasted through several rounds of exclusive pumping (between Cori and me, plus a couple other people who borrowed it for a bit too...) so you know it holds up. If there's a next time, I may consider splurging on the Freestyle in case I end up having to pump so much again. Side note: She also let me borrow her manual pump which I loved - especially as I got into more of a routine. It was great to take in the car or on quick errands. Other side note: It's great to have a couple extra sets of parts and bottles so you're not constantly standing over the sink washing things. Learned that lesson the hard way!

8. I was convinced I'd be an awesome swaddle-master and planned to use Aden+Anais blankets to do just that. Confession: I was tired and found these wraps to be far more convenient and secure. We used both the SwaddleMe and the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle (not pictured) and loved them both. I'd say we used the SwaddleMe more when he was itty bitty and the Sleepsack Swaddle more as he grew. He loved being all cozy and secure in a swaddle. He loved to be held tight too. He must have been used to cramp living quarters. ;)

9. Even though my swaddle skills were sub-par, I used the heck out my Aden+Anais muslin blankets and still do! I used them as a nursing cover, carseat cover, changing pad, and lots more. Now, Reid uses them as his crib blanket. They are huge, soft, breathable, and I can't recommend them enough! They are my go-to baby gift for other moms (they were even before I became a mom too). Side note: I also loved the feeder bibs they make. They are multi-layered muslin fabric and are very absorbent which is great for all that milk the baby sloshes about. They're also big and have an adjustable neck strap. I'll still put one on Reid occasionally.

10. Ah... the crown jewel... the Mamaroo. This was still fairly new-ish when I was doing my baby product shopping and research. For one thing, I didn't even register for a swing because I knew so many babies didn't care for them. Plus, they take up so much room and aren't usually super stylish. Needless to say, I was not about to pay for this contraption. Oh sweet naive Alisha. Bless your heart. We weren't two weeks in when I was dreaming of this thing. It's a sorta-swing but moves in various ways to mimic the way a parent moves, a car ride, kangaroo, etc... all the ways babies like to be soothed. Why oh why did I try to be frugal and practical? I'm certain this would have been well worth the roo-lah. (See what I did there... funny.) =) There are plenty of things worth skimping on or skipping altogether when bringing home a newborn. I say anything that helps you get rest is not one of those things. =)

Other items I loved but didn't list above are:

Tommee Tippee milk feeder bibs. These are great for the wee ones and have a padded collar to help soak up the milk drool. That keeps baby's neck and clothes dry. Winning.

The old school pre-fold cloth diapers. They make the perfect burp cloths. Get several. Feeling crafty? Sew some pretty fabric onto the middle section. Better yet, find a friend who will do it for you. ;)

The little packs of Carter's socks you can buy at Wal-Mart. They were white with colored toes/heels. These were the only socks that would really stay on his feet. Of course, every baby is different, but I've heard lots of moms say this. They're nothing fancy but they're great.

A comfy, supportive seat. I breastfed but even if I hadn't, I spent lots of time holding Reid. I chose a recliner in the family room but any glider/rocker/etc... would be ok too. That's just what worked for me. I liked having Netflix and Hulu at my disposal. =)

Humidifier and/or sound machine. With Reid being born in the winter, the humidifier was quite handy. It also provided white noise which was very soothing for Reid. When the temperature warmed up, we switched to a sound machine. Now, we're back to the humidifier but I think Reid would be fine with no white noise at this point.

These aren't really newborn essentials, but like the snacks I showed above, they were essential to helping me function. I never got real excited about my nursing bras but loved nursing tanks. I had a few but honestly, the ones from Wal-Mart were my fav's. Shout out to Kayla for recommending those. I wore them everyday. They served as my bra for the first six months. They were soft, long, and easy to unsnap.

10 things about my pregnancy

I'm sure many of you have seen the little facebook activity where someone lists some random facts about their pregnancies and then if you like or comment it, you're given a # to do the same. I got the # 8 but I'm going all out and giving 10. haha.

I don't typically participate in those things on facebook (even though I love reading other people's interesting tidbits on whatever the topic is) but I thought I'd share here. In this case I just know how hard it can be to see that what seems like absolutely everyone is or has been pregnant when you are wanting it so bad. I imagine the extra pregnancy posts on facebook could serve as an unwanted reminder to someone out there and I just don't want to chance that my post could make someone sad. =/ Maybe silly, I know. BUT, I in no way think that's bad to do. I think it's totally ok to share!!! =) Like I said, I love reading them and getting to know people better. This just isn't something I felt comfortable sharing on that platform.

I don't really feel like I have anything of extreme interest to share but here goes:

1) We chose not to find out the baby's gender until birth. I absolutely loved doing it that way. That's not to say there weren't a couple times I second guessed our choice (ie: choosing fabric) but hearing "it's a boy" in the operating room was so priceless.

2) We also waited to tell friends and family about the pregnancy until the end of the first trimester. We told our parents on Mother's Day. (Blog announcement HERE.)

3) I was seeing a fertility specialist when I became pregnant with Reid.

4) I craved different things at different times but never really had any "weird" cravings per se... it was all stuff I liked normally, I just wanted it a little more fiercely. =) I craved Jimmy Johns, McDonalds chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese (mostly just at first), and best of all, chocolate banana shakes. =) I also had a major aversion to meat (especially chicken) there for about a month or so.

5) I started growing and showing very early for it being my first pregnancy. I was SO excited to buy my first pair of maternity jeans. =) I wore them right away.

6) I had a subchorionic hemorrhage that caused a good scare and lots of pain but thankfully it dissolved on its own early on and didn't cause any other problems!

7) I got BIG and had lots and lots of swelling in my legs and feet. I also had epic heartburn. I had no idea how horrible that stuff could be!

8) We didn't have a name confirmed until the drive to the hospital.

9) We had a false-run to labor and delivery one night. It was embarrassing and we totally had that walk-of-shame moment out of the hospital during shift change. =)

10) My water broke at 3 a.m. on my due date - November 30. I labored (with an epidural that did very little good) until it became necessary for a C-section. Reid was born at 7:17 p.m. that day.

*BONUS* My least favorite part of the whole experience was that dang catheter. Ugh.

This time...

This time last year was a Thursday night. I had just gotten home from a last run to Wichita with my mom - you know, to drop off my gallon-o-pee at the OB's office. We even made it around Kohl's and Wal-Mart. We swung through a drive-thru on the way home because I was like totally starving to death ;) When I got home, we went to eat Chinese with Val and Austin. We joked that Chinese had better not be my last meal before Pop Tart was born. Joke was on me. I kicked back in the recliner, just like many nights before. Oddly though, that night I didn't have all the contractions I'd been having. I even slept decently... until about 3 a.m. when I needed to pee. Again. That's when the 'birthday' started. My water had broke. To be honest, I didn't really want to believe it. I'd been sleeping well and would have liked to have gone back to sleep. =) But within a couple minutes it was obvious that was out of the question. Dac got up (he was sleeping on the couch by me) and we chatted, in a remarkably calm matter I might add, about whether we should go like, NOW, or whether I had time for a shower. We decided we'd better just get it in gear. I mean, after all, we needed to take one last picture. =)

Anyway, you'd heard the rest of the story before here and here. At this time last year we were still a family of three. Peety was super protective of me. We didn't know Reid was a boy. We didn't even have names finalized. We couldn't possibly have imagined what the next year would hold or just how much we'd love the little guy who'd make his debut less than 24 hours from then. 

This Thanksgiving we had a little extra somethin' special to be thankful for. =) We sure are too. Tonight, I held Reid a little tighter, a little longer. I watched him drink what might be his last bedtime bottle before reading "If I Could Keep You Little" to him. 

Now, I'm watching Garth Brooks Live from Las Vegas and wondering how the heck it's already time for this. As much as I want to hang on to my baby, I am so very thankful we have gotten to know Reid. He is healthy and we get to hold him and watch him learn new things each day. I'm happy he's turning one and happy we have such a sweet, beautiful boy to celebrate. 

Nine Months

So... I've been doing lots of looking through photos and blog posts from last year. 

It's sort of hard to believe how quickly this past year with Reid has flown. I remember thinking pregnancy flew (yes, even at the end) but oh my... this year. Poof! It's gone.

I compiled a photo/month for the nine months I carried Reid. He was big and squirmy even then. =)

At this time last year, we had just celebrated Thanksgiving and I was officially on maternity leave. It had become extremely uncomfortable for me to sit up all day at work so I took what would end up being 5 work days off before Reid was born.

I spent my time watching Netflix, tidying up the house, my mom came and helped decorate for Christmas (ie: did it for me), and fixing my hair each day - just in case. ;)

I was physically miserable but was incredibly thankful to have stayed pregnant that long and super excited I'd be meeting my baby boy/girl (didn't know yet) very soon!

I can't believe he will be one THIS week. 

Being Mama: hoo-rah for ta-ta milk

I've decided to start a little series on "being mama". These posts will cover some mama-type topics as I've experienced them - things like breastfeeding, cloth diapering, sleep training, etc...

----

Let me start out by saying that I'm writing this post for documentation purposes and if someone out there in the interwebs happens to find something helpful or encouraging from it, all the better. What I'm NOT trying to do is make someone feel doubt, guilt, hurt, or worse - judgement. Lord knows there's enough of that to go around in MomLand - you don't need it here too! =)

----

Before the last several years I never gave a whole lot of thought to even having a baby, let alone how I would feed one. I was formula fed - as were many kids from "that time" - and I turned out just fine. I didn't really know of anyone who breastfed until a few years ago. In fact, I even got defensive on one or two occasions when someone would dis formula. "Now just wait one minute - I was formula-fed and I turned out just fine, thank you very much!! My mom even - gasp - loves me!" Still, I hadn't given much thought to what I would do if/when the time came around.

Once Dac and I were married, when we'd talk about having kids, it would occasionally come up. He had been breastfed but didn't have super strong feelings about the subject either way, although I would say he was pro breastfeeding. I'm a researcher. A planner. A thinker. A worrier. A talk-it-out-er. As I began reading up on all things fertility, baby, and parenting - I studied the pros and cons to breastfeeding. You see, I'm stubborn. Sure I may play by the rules but I also have a bit of a rebellious streak. The fact that breastfeeding was the "only right thing to do if you love your child" made me want to run in the other direction just to show them! The more I read about it and thought it through, the more I realized it's what I wanted to do for a number of reasons - some of them being: strong immune system for baby, chocked full of vitamins, lower risk for certain problems for me, prolonged start of period and thus the endo and the pain that, for me, comes with it, cheaper, quicker weight loss (ha!), etc...

I'd read enough to know that not everyone is able to breastfeed and I felt comfortable going into it with an attitude of "this is my preference but I will not be devastated if it can't be done and I have to formula feed instead - there is nothing wrong with formula."

I still believe that and I have held tight to that as I've struggled through this wild, hard, exhausting stage - but like I said - breastfeeding has been my preferred method of feeding Reid.

So, on to our story!

It started the day he was born. I had an unplanned c-section and thus a longer wait time after delivery before we could give it a go. I was in a hospital that made breastfeeding a priority which was helpful but regardless, the baby can't just be laid on your chest right away to nurse. I got to briefly hold him in the operating room and got some skin-to-skin time once we were back in recovery but it wasn't until then that we got to try. All the nurses at that hospital are trained in that area and mine was helpful but wasn't particularly as gung-ho about it as I needed her to be. She helped me get him some-what latched and said that the skin-to-skin contact was the most important thing. She was also the first to tell me I had flat nipples (this was news to me) but that while that was making it more difficult for him to latch, it was possible to make it work. So I continued to try.

I feel like at this point its important to note that Reid was a strong little boy from, literally, day one. He held his head up on his own that first night. He was wild. I didn't know this wasn't the norm (not that there is really a norm when it comes to people) until over a week later when I went to the lactation clinic for the first time (God bless that place and the women there) and she said "Wow! He is a real hot mess... a wild animal!" It's true. He still is. It was hard for me to even hold him still. He was fairly big, squirmy, sweaty, and wild. He was starving but couldn't quite figure out how to eat. He would ravage and flail about always ending up unsatisfied. He even drinks from a bottle like a little maniac - collapsing and inverting the nippe (much like he did to me). He also had a super strong but incredibly messy suck. The power was there but the control wasn't.

He was wearing me out and tearing up my nipples. They were not only raw, they were black and blue, they had gum-bite marks, and hurt so bad I couldn't even bear to hold him close to me. It got that bad in just a day or two at the hospital... and this was with the help of nurses and lactation specialists! I tried nipple guards, creams (learned I have a bit of an allergy to the lanolin cream I had been slathering on by the half-gallon which just added to the pain by giving me a burning rash) various positions, and still he had a pitiful latch and I was crying in pain. Oh, and did I mention he was still hungry? Oh yes. We ended up having to give him formula by a cup while I tried desperately to pump some colostrum. (The sweet night nurse made the mistake of telling me if I pumped a little bit, she could use a dropper to suck it up and drop it in his mouth... I kept calling her in every five minutes to see if it was enough!)

I think it was our last day in the hospital that was the worst. One of the lactation ladies came to see me one last time. Reid still wasn't latching correctly and my boobs looked like a battlefield. She told me it was time to give it a break. Not time to give up, of course, but time to "rest" the girls by pumping and cup feeding instead of nursing - just temporarily. She warned that as bad as they looked, I could end up with permanent damage. I felt like a failure. I knew it wouldn't be comfortable or easy peasy but everyone said if I kept trying, it would happen, and it would stop hurting. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that pumping was not failing. It was just a necessary step in the process for us and I had to quit comparing myself to others. The goal was to breastfeed Reid and by pumping, I was doing just that.

I didn't have the discomfort you read about. I had excruciating pain that never let up and only got worse. It felt like my boobs were slammed in a car door repeatedly, rubbed vigorously with sand paper, splashed with acid, then punched... twice. They gave me a prescription antibiotic-type cream and sent me on my way telling me to try again in a couple days once the girls had healed up a bit. I was an emotional mess. The pain, the disappointment, and... hormones together were too much! It was rough. I cried a lot the next few weeks - almost always about breastfeeding. I dreaded it and quite frankly, hated it. I also felt like a total failure and a big weenie. I pumped for a couple days then went back to attempting to nurse while supplementing with more breast milk or formula in a cup.

The lactation ladies also pointed out that Reid had a bit of a tongue tie. It wasn't severe but was bad enough that it could be causing some problems with the latch. That, and  the fact it could cause problems down the road was enough for us to go ahead and have him seen by a specialist who clipped the frenulum (not nearly as scary as it sounds, thank goodness). It helped a tad bit but not really much. We continued to try different holds, various nipple guards, inverted nipple shells, ice, heat, massage, compresses... the works! Still, I was in pain and Reid was only getting a mediocre amount of milk from nursing.

After a couple more weeks, gallons of tears, and epic levels of exhaustion... Dac and I made an extremely hard decision. Reid was continuing to lose weight. We were taking him to the lactation clinic in Wichita and while we did make strides in the nursing department... it wasn't enough and his weight was getting too low for comfort. He was also pretty jaundiced. He was only nursing a teensy bit every now and then... the other times were total fails. It was getting to the point where he wouldn't really even drink from the cup. I think he was so hungry that he was too distraught to eat. We decided to supplement with formula from a bottle. We hadn't used a pacifier or bottle because we were trying to avoid nipple confusion. I had registered for and received some natural-style bottles that are supposed to be more like a breast, so the plan was to feed from a bottle while still trying to nurse. A couple days later we noticed a huge difference in Reid. He had clearly needed that nourishment and was a completely different baby. The poor thing had been starving =( Mom fail #1 (of many). 

A couple days later my milk was in and I hoped it would make a difference with nursing. It didn't. The problems were with his latch. He was still a wild animal, was still thrashing about, and just couldn't get on and stay on like he should. I feared I was hurting him but the lactation consultants kept saying to just smash his little head in tight (in not quite such an abusive sounding manner...) and force him to open wide and keep his lips turned out. None of which he would do. Neither of us were getting any sleep because I was spending 30 minutes trying to get him latched, halfway feeding off and on for another few minutes before spending 30 to pump. Add in more time to wash pump parts and bottles... it was forever and a day before I could go back to sleep and that was just in time to do it all over again. I got to the point where it was hard to even function. He wasn't sleeping all that well either b/c he'd get so worked up trying to latch that it would be hard for him to settle down again. We decided at that time, after yet another visit to the lactation clinic, that I'd pump exclusively.  Just a week later, after exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula as needed which by that point, wasn't often, he was finally up over his birth weight! It was then we knew we made the right decision for us - at that time. My hope was always that we'd eventually get nursing figured out but it just didn't happen. I have heard about women who have successfully got their baby to nurse after several months - so maybe there's still hope for us! =)

More on my pumping experience to come!

A few lessons from my experience are:

• Find people to encourage and help you - be it nurses, lactation consultants, family/friends, positive blogs, etc... I turned to all of the above. I needed to have my silly questions answered, I needed hands-on help, I needed to know it was hard, that I wasn't a weenie, and that it would probably get better - but that even if it didn't, it was ok to stop. It wasn't failing to stop. I also needed to know that exclusively pumping "counted" as breastfeeding and that I was giving my baby a gift in the best way I could.

• Don't judge someone for breastfeeding or for not breastfeeding. People don't choose to breastfeed because they think they're better than a formula-feeder. They choose it out of preference and in trying to do what they think is best for their  baby. Also, not everyone pumps or formula feeds out of laziness or lack of care for their baby. For some, those options are truly best and are a way to be the best mom possible. 

• Formula is amazing. It saves lives and puts thighs on babies when mama can't.

• Breastfeeding may be natural but it doesn't always come naturally. 

• If there's a next time, it could be different. There's always hope!

New Family

I wanted to share some more pictures from when we were at the hospital. If you're a facebook friend, you've already seen these but I wanted them here too so they'd be part of our scrapbook. They're not all in order but - we'll live. =)

Our hospital stay was painful and exhausting but for the most part we received great care. Trying to nurse Reid was also painful and exhausting. It got to where it hurt to even hold him but oh how I loved to cuddle him. Dac was pretty amazing (after that first zombie night - haha) and did everything while I couldn't get up. Reid was a sleepy newborn of course and did well at night too. Even when he did cry, I didn't mind. Oddly enough I kind of liked that sound for a while. I can't remember if it was our second or third night in there, but Reid stayed in the nursery that night because he was choking a lot (c-section babies have more junk in their lungs). The nurse suggested it and we felt more comfortable with that... we were afraid we may not wake up to help him and plus I couldn't get to him very fast anyway in my condition. 

Oh that sweet, chunky face. He looks so different now. I was certain he was the most beautiful thing to have ever lived... still am. =)

He was born Friday night and Saturday was a BUSY day. Lots of visits from doctors, etc..., family, friends...

Auntie Heather and Daniel

Oy. love this one.

With Auntie Cori!

This was one of my first real times out of bed I think.

Pastor Ben

Sweet boy

Big guy! =)

Great Grandma Jo.

He had super dark blue/grey eyes.

Dad snuggles.

Grumplestilkson. =)

Our beloved nurse Jackie insisted on taking this. I'm glad she did. And of course it was while Iooked my best. =)

Great Grandma Millie

Aunt Debbie

Cousin Darci

With Auntie Kayla

Aunt Darla

I'm so happy to have pictures like this.

On our last day, I was an emotional wreck. The hormones were definitely in overdrive. At one point the nurse came in and looked at me like "oh no, we probably shouldn't send a baby home with you..." but I assured her they were happy tears. And they were... mostly. Happy tears and crazy tears but no tears of sadness (other than all the nursing trouble). It was all just overwhelming. I was overwhelmed with happy, and love, and my heart may have just burst if I didn't cry a little. =)

Attempting his first going home outfit (tooooo big).

There, that's better! =)

His socks didn't fit. =) You'll notice he had his neck problem from the beginning. I'm certain it was from the way he was positioned inside (super low and cramped) for so long. He looked so teeny tiny in his seat.

We drove the slowest we'd ever driven with me crammed in the backseat alongside little man. I couldn't have been more uncomfortable but there was no stopping me from being right there with him. =) When we got home, I sat in the chair... barely able to do a thing while Dac ran to get me more pain meds. I just soaked in the quiet of the house and watched Reid sleep. Oh... and cried. =) A lot. Again - mostly happy tears! =) We had him and he was home with us. It doesn't get much more perfect than that!

We had set up a nice pack-n-play and of course Reid wanted NOTHING to do with it. He refused to lay on his back for more than 5 minutes. Dac spent much of the night holding him on the couch. The second night was even worse - we eventually just put him in his carseat and let him sleep there for a couple hours. I'm not proud of that but I don't regret it either. He was in a safe spot and all three of us needed that sleep. The next day, Dac's cousin Erica brought down a bassinet with an incline (Fisher Price Rock-n-Play) and suddenly life was better. Reid spent his nights (and plenty of days too) there for the next six weeks. It saved us! 

The next few days were full of appointments, cuddles, visitors, trying to figure it all out, and find our new normal. =) Oh - and more cuddles.

**I also want to add that Reid passed his newborn tests/screenings like a champ! He was a little jaundiced but he never needed the bili lights. 

The Birthday: Part 2

Note: many of these photos were taken with a phone. =( In the rush of getting me to surgery we forgot the big camera. 

---

As with most of my surgeries, the staff was incredible. They chatted with me, made bets on whether it would be a boy or a girl, and eased my nerves as much as possible.

Aside from having a healthy baby, I was worried about 1) bleeding out (due to some previous issues) and 2) feeling the whole thing like I'd been feeling everything else. There wasn't much I could do about the first one but I asked them over and over again to make sure the spinal would function appropriately. They assured me it was working just fine (even though I could still feel that dang catheter) and it was. =) 

It was the weirdest feeling though!

A little while later (7:17 p.m. to be exact) I heard "look at all that hair!!" "and that head... gasp... no wonder!!!" Then a couple minutes after that, I finally heard that it was a boy. A completely perfect baby boy! He had Dac's face and biiiig hands and feet!

He weighed in at 8lbs 14oz and measured 20.5 inches long.

I barely had the strength to hold him, which is why that nice lady's hand is on him. =) I was worried about him falling.

Our new family.

Dac was so proud.

He texted everyone in the waiting room plus a few others to let them know it was a boy. We had shared our name ideas with anyone that asked but we had not made a final decision until that morning on the way to the hospital. =) He didn't text them that part though - we decided to wait until they met him in person to formally introduce him. ha! I'll go ahead and tell you now (since you already know...duh). We named him Reid David. Reid - just because we liked it and David because that's Dac's dad's name AND Dac's real first name. 

Being wheeled back to the room... both of us looking stellar! =)

When we got back, I was exhausted but on cloud nine! I wasn't feeling the surgery pain yet and was so dang happy to have that sweet baby boy in my arms! Even though the day didn't go as planned (it sucked, ok?) it ended just like I'd hoped... with Reid and I both doing well. What else matters really? Nothing I tell you. Nothing. To say we are thankful is an understatement!

We did about an hour of skin-to-skin and I tried nursing (more on this topic later) and we just loved the heck out of our little guy and enjoyed it just being us for a bit before our family came in.

One thing I was surprised about was being able to soothe him right away. It was like I naturally knew exactly what he needed right when he needed it. I didn't even need to think about it. Weird but cool! I was his mama! And Lord have mercy, somebody wash mama's hair!

And get her a nap...

After a while, they gave him his first bath. 

He was all cleaned up and ready for visitors. There could only be four people in the room at a time so we told them to decide how they wanted to come in. Grandmas came first. Anyone surprised by this? =)

Grandma Terese

Grandma Terri

Then Grandpa Lon

and Grandpa David

Side note - the Grandpas hands down won the sap of the day awards! =) They are still ate up with the little dude.

Aunt Val

Uncle Austin

I think everyone approved. =) 

After they all met him, we got wheeled up to what would be our room for the next few days. It was pretty late by that point and I was starting to hurt. I took some meds, we watched a safe sleep video, and slept. (Except I didn't really sleep. Dac, however, was a zombie. It was unreal. Nurses and doctors came in a zillion times and he never once woke up. Poor guy was tired I guess. Meanwhile, I was getting poked and prodded, belly "massages" - ouch - and was hearing all of Reid's little sounds.) 

More tales from the hospital stay, etc... to come!