Quiet

This past year has been... interesting. To say the least. Aren't they all though? For different reasons?

This was a year that rocked my world. That seems to happen every couple years or so.

There was 2010... the year our family lost two very important men to cancer. It was a year full of wait, and anger, and grief, and travel, and remembering, and making new memories. It was haaaaaaaard. But beautiful too.

There was 2012... the year our love grew exponentially as we welcomed Reid into the world. It was the year all things were new and different. It was a year full of sleepless nights, sadness, pain, self-doubt, and oh so much joy. So much joy and love I thought I'd burst. It was hard. Hard, but beyond beautiful.

Then, there was 2014... the year of... quiet. Aside from chasing a giggling toddler around the house, life was quiet. It was steady. Busy, of course, but fairly consistent and predictable (outside of parenthood). It was routine and mostly comfortable. Until it wasn't anymore. In a hurry it became a year of loss, confusion, fear, stress, stepping in and stepping up, feeling helpless, having a loss for words (yes, even for me), change, and the unknown. Yet it was still the year of quiet. It was and still is in a lot of ways. It was a year for keeping what seemed like everything inside. It was months of huddling together with those close to us while, unfortunately, other important relationships and priorities got shifted around. It was a year of knowing we really had nothing to complain about but still feeling the pain anyway.

Outside this quiet was turmoil and noise... locally, nationally, worldwide. With that, there's been a lot of debate over law enforcement. Facebook comments have run the gamut from cops can do no wrong to cops are serial killers with badges. I'm a fairly laid back, moderate thinker on issues... usually seeing both sides and knowing that it's rarely just black or white. This topic has been a little harder for me to swallow but I've managed to remain pretty quiet. I've bit my tongue and kept it in and worked to 'get' both sides. This quiet, however, is dang near eating me from the inside out.

So now I say this: I appreciate, respect, and literally thank God for the men and women who serve our communities in this capacity. I am grateful for their work and for the sacrifices they and their families make. I know not all officers play by the rules but I truly believe the vast majority of law enforcement professionals are good people who truly care about the work they do and want to help others.

I know the job isn't always what it looks like on TV. I know it's long hours, less-than-fantastic pay, physically, mentally, and emotionally draining work. I know they walk into horrible situations, see pain and suffering daily, deliver bad news, and sometimes get just a few hours of sleep before getting up to do it all over again. I know they miss holidays, baseball games, and dance recitals. I know that sometimes, they use their own money to make sure a hungry child gets a happy meal while they themselves are missing family dinner. I know, in my heart, that they are not to be feared. I know that sometimes, in the line of duty, split-second decisions have to be made. I trust that they have the training, discernment, and heart to make the best possible decision in those times. I know sometimes they end lives but I know that, more often than not, they're saving them.

I just wanted today to be not so quiet. Ya know? I wanted to speak up and get that off my chest and if you've made it this far, I appreciate you listening to me share my heart. I hope that while this year has been hard for so many, they'll soon see the beauty that will no doubt come from the ashes.

I saw this Dear Officer letter yesterday and while I'm not a law enforcement spouse, I can certainly respect what this letter portrays. Again, I'm so thankful for all the sacrifices these families make and I wanted to, in this quiet little way, show my support.

Also, I've felt the need to hug every cop I see... so if you're in the area... look out! ;)

Here's to 2015. May it be a whole other type of quiet!